I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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