Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
