Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
