Sponge bath it is.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
