You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
