my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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