the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
