At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
being pregnant is like rehab
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
