my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
