So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
