There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
