UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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