I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
