Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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