Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
