you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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