Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
