Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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