the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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