you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
