a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
