and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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