nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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