dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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