Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
