ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Randomize
