I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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