we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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