i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
