they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
