I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
