next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
