So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Michael Bay diarrhea
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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