At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
