The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
