i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
