Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
