You really coming over, don't trick.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
