You just made me feel so damn special
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
