i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
