Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
