I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
