In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
