Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is Oprah even human
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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