She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
