This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
