party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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