i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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