it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
