my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
